Update [me, health]

Nov. 28th, 2025 04:54 pm
siderea: (Default)
[personal profile] siderea
Very shortly after I posted my recent request for pointers on 3D printing education – a request which was occasioned by my getting excited over my new and improved typing capability courtesy of my new NocFree ergonomic keyboard and wanting to make it a peripheral – my shoulder/back went *spung* in the location and way I had had a repetitive strain injury a decade+ previously.

*le sigh*

I'm back to writing ("writing") slowly and miserably dictation, because all of my other forms of data entry aggravate this RSI. (This explains how rambly and poorly organized the previous post was and this one too will be.)

I'm going to try to debug my ergonomics, but it remains to be seen whether I can resume typing.

Thanksgiving came at an opportune time, because it took me away from computers for a day. But I had wanted to get another post out before the end of the month. We'll see what happens.

So, uh, I had been going to post about how I have worked back up to something like 80%, maybe 90%, of my keyboard fluency on the NocFree. Eit.
kaberett: Trans symbol with Swiss Army knife tools at other positions around the central circle. (Default)
[personal profile] kaberett

Spotted in today's book, with just as much of a medical theme as you might reasonably expect:

... biopsy-
chosocial...

siderea: (Default)
[personal profile] siderea
I see that I didn't note last year's Annual Introverts Liberation Feast. Perhaps I wrote a draft that I never got around to posting. It was something of a grueling deathmarch. Because my physical disability makes me largely unable to participate in food prep or cleaning, it almost entirely falls on Mr B to do, and he is already doing something like 99% of the household chores, so both of us wind up up against our physical limits doing Thanksgiving dinner.

But the thing is, part of the reason we do Thanksgiving dinner ourselves to begin with, is we manage the labor of keeping ourselves fed through meal prepping. And I really love Thanksgiving dinner as a meal. So preparing a Thanksgiving dinner that feeds 16 allows us to have a nice Thanksgiving dinner on Thanksgiving, and then allows us to each have a prepared Thanksgiving dinner every day for another seven days. So this is actually one part family tradition, seven parts meal prep for the following week, and one part getting homemade stock from the carcass and weeks of subsequent soups. If we didn't do Thanksgiving, we'd still have to figure out something to cook for dinners for the week.
The problem is the differential in effort with a regular batch cook.

So this year for Thanksgiving, I proposed, to make it more humane, we avail ourselves of one of the many local prepared to-go Thanksgiving dinner options, where you just have to reheat the food.

We decided to go with a local barbecue joint that offered a smoked turkey. It came in only two sizes: breast only, which was too small for us, and a whole 14 to 16 lb turkey, which is too large, but too large being better than too small, that's what we got.
We also bought their mashed potatoes, green bean casserole, and – new to our table this year – baked macaroni and cheese. Also two pints of their gravy, which turned out to be spectacularly good. We also got a pan of their cornbread (also new to our Thanksgiving spread), for which they are justly famous; bizarrely, they left the cornbread off their Thanksgiving menu, but proved happy to add it to our order from the regular catering menu when we called it in.

We used canned sweet potatoes in syrup and grocery store cubed stuffing (Pepperidge Farm). The sweet potatoes were fine but as is traditional I had a disaster which coated half the kitchen in sugar syrup. The stuffing was... adequate. Our big compromise to save ourselves labor was that we didn't do the big stuffing production with the chopped and sauteed fresh veggies. The place we got the prepared sides has a stuffing but it's a cornbread stuffing, which is not the bread cube version I prefer. We did add dried sage to it.

Reheating the wholly cooked smoked turkey did not go great. We followed the vendor's instructions – leave it wrapped in foil, put two cups of water in a bottom of the roasting pan, 300° F for two hours to get the breast meat to 165° F – which turned out to be in Mr B's words, "delusional". We used a pair of probe thermometers with wireless monitor, one in the thigh and one in the breast, and an oven thermometer to make sure the oven was behaving. The oven was flawless. The temperature in the thigh quickly spiked up while the breast heated slowly, such that by an hour in, there was a 50° F difference in temperature between the two. The thigh reached 165 in about 2 and 1/2 hours, at which point the breast was 117 ° F. By my calculations, given how far it had gotten in 2.5 hrs, at that temperature we'd need another hour and a half to get the whole bird up to 165° F (for a grand total of 4 hours) at which point the drumsticks would probably be shoe leather.

There was a brief moment of despair while we entertained heating the turkey for another hour and a half, but then decided to just have dark meat for Thanksgiving.

The turkey turned out to be 1) delicious and 2) enormous. Mr B carved at the rest of the bird for our meal prep and picked the carcass; I broke the carcass and other remains into three batches this year. There is going to be so much soup.

Mr B had the brilliant idea to portion the sides leftovers into the meal prep boxes before the dinner, so we dispensed two servings of each side into the casseroles we were going to warm them in, and portioned out the rest.

I had the brilliant idea of checking the weather and realizing we could use the porch as an auxiliary fridge for all the sides we had sitting there in the crockery waiting for the tardy turkey to be done so they could go in the oven. Also it was wine degrees Fahrenheit out, so that worked great too.

For beverages, Mr B had a beer, and I had iced tea and a glass of wine. Happily, the packie near the caterer's 1) has introduced online shopping for easy pickup, and 2) amazingly, had a wine I have been looking for for something like 20 years, a Sardegnan white called Aragosta, to which I was introduced to by the late lamented Maurizio's in Boston's North End. Why the wine is called "lobster" I do not know, but it is lovely. The online shopping did not work so happily; when we placed the order the day before (Tuesday), we promptly got the email saying that our order was received, but it wasn't placed until we received the confirmation email. Forty minutes before pick up time (Wednesday), since we still hadn't received a confirmation email, Mr B called in and received a well rehearsed apology and explanation that there was a problem with their new website's credit card integration, so orders weren't actually being charged correctly, but to come on down and they would have the order ready for payment at the register.

As is our custom, we also got savory croissants for lunch/breakfast while cooking from the same bakery we also get dessert. As is also our custom, we ate too much Thanksgiving dinner to have room for dessert, and we'll probably eat it tomorrow.

The smoked turkey meat (at least the dark meat) was delicious. I confess I was a little disappointed with the skin. I'm not a huge skin fan in general, but I was hoping the smoked skin would be delicious. But there was some sort of rub on it that had charred in the smoking process, and I don't like the taste of char.

The reason the turkeys I cook wind up so much moister than apparently everybody else's – I've never managed to succeed at making pan gravy, for the simple reason I've never had enough juice in the pan to make gravy, because all the juice is still in the bird – is that I don't care enough about the skin to bother trying to crisp it. There really is a trade-off between moistness of the meat and crispness of the skin, and I'm firmly of the opinion that you can sacrifice the skin in favor of the meat. The skin on this turkey was perfectly crisped all over and whoever had put the rub on it managed to do an astoundingly good job of applying it evenly. It was a completely wasted effort from my point of view, and I'm not surprised that the turkey we got wound up a bit on the dry side.

That said the smokiness was great. I thought maybe, given how strongly flavored the gravy was, it would overpower the smokiness of the meat, but that was not the case and they harmonized really nicely.

The instructions come with a very important warning that the meat is supposed to be that color: pink. It's really quite alarming if you don't know to expect it, I'm sure. You're not normally supposed to serve poultry that color. But the instructions explain in large letters that it is that color because of the smoking process, and it is in fact completely cooked and safe to eat.

(It belatedly occurs to me to wonder whether that pink is actually from the smoke, or whether they treated it with nitrates. You know, what makes bacon pink.)

The cavity was stuffed with oranges and lemons and a bouquet garni, which was a bit of a hassle to clean out of the carcass for its future use as stock.

The green bean casserole was fine. It's not as good as ours, but then we didn't have to cook it. The mac and cheese was really nice; it would never have occurred to me to put rosemary on the top, but that worked really well. The mashed potatoes were very nice mashed potatoes, and the renown cornbread was even better mopping up the gravy.

The best cranberry sauce remains the kind that stands under its own power, is shaped like the can it came in, and is perfectly homogeneous in its texture.

We aimed to get the bird in the oven at 3:00 p.m. (given that the instructions said 2 hours) with the aim of dinner hitting the table at 6:00 p.m. We had a bit of a delay getting the probe thermometers set up and debugged (note to self: make sure they're plugged all the way in) so the bird went in around 3:15 p.m. At 5:15 p.m. no part of the bird was ready. Around 5:45 p.m. the drumsticks reached 165° F, and we realized the majority of it was in not going to get there anytime in the near future. At this point all the sides had been sitting on the counter waiting to go into the oven for over a half an hour, so we decided to put them outside to keep while we figured out what we were going to do. We decided to give it a little more time in the oven, and to use that time to portion the sides into the meal prep boxes. Then we brought the casseroles back inside, pulled the bird from the oven and set it to rest, and put the casseroles in the oven. We microwaved the three things that needed microwaving (the stuffing, which we had prepared on the stove top, and was sitting there getting cold, the gravy, and at the last moment the cornbread). After 10 minutes of resting the turkey, we turned the oven off, leaving the casseroles inside to stay warm, and disassembled the drumsticks. Then we served dinner.

After dinner, all ("all") we had to do was cleaning dishes (mostly cycling the dishwasher) and disassembling the turkey (looks like we'll be good for approximately 72 servings of soup), because the meal prep portioning was mostly done. We still have to portion the turkey and the gravy into the meal prep boxes, but that can wait until tomorrow. Likewise cleaning the kitchen can wait until tomorrow. This means we were done before 9:00 p.m. That has not always been the case.

Getting the cooked turkey and prepared sides saved us some work day of (and considerably more work typically done in advance – the green bean casserole, the vegetable sauté that goes into the stuffing) but not perhaps as much as we hoped.

Turns out here's not a lot of time difference between roasting a turkey in the oven and rewarming one. OTOH, we didn't have to wrestle with the raw bird. Also, because we weren't trying to do in-bird stuffing, that's something we just didn't have to deal with. OTOOH, smoked turkey.

But it was still plenty of work. Maybe a better option is roasting regular turkey unstuffed and shaking the effort loose to make green bean casserole and baked stuffing ourselves a day or two ahead. We were already getting commercially made mashed potatoes. It would certainly be cheaper. OTOOH, smoked turkey.

This was our first year rewarming sides in the oven. We usually try to do the microwave, and that proves a bottleneck. This time we used our casserole dishes to simultaneously rewarm four sides, and it was great. Next time we try this approach, something that doesn't slosh as much as the sweet potatoes in syrup goes in the casserole without a lid.

But I think maybe as a good alternative, if we're going to portion sides for meal prep before we sit down to Thanksgiving dinner, we might as well just make up two plates, and microwave them in series, instead of troubling with the individual casseroles. This does result in our losing our option for getting seconds, but we never exercise it, and maybe some year we will even have Thanksgiving dessert on the same day that we eat Thanksgiving dinner.

The Friday Five for 28 November 2025

Nov. 28th, 2025 02:33 am
anais_pf: (Default)
[personal profile] anais_pf posting in [community profile] thefridayfive
These questions were originally suggested by [livejournal.com profile] the_heartless.

1. What were some of the smells and tastes of your childhood?

2. What did you have as a child that you do not think children today have?

3. What elementary grade was your favorite?

4. What summer do you remember the best as a child?

5. What one piece of advice would you give to your younger self, and at what age?

Copy and paste to your own journal, then reply to this post with a link to your answers. If your journal is private or friends-only, you can post your full answers in the comments below.

Photo cross-post

Nov. 27th, 2025 01:50 pm
andrewducker: (Default)
[personal profile] andrewducker


It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas!
Original is here on Pixelfed.scot.

minoanmiss: Bull-Leaper; detail of the Toreador Fresco (Bull-Leaper)
[personal profile] minoanmiss posting in [community profile] agonyaunt
This one was recently reposted but unfortunately I can't find the post. Read more... )

Blind Dog returns to St Dunstans

Nov. 25th, 2025 08:30 pm
lethargic_man: (beardy)
[personal profile] lethargic_man

Last summer, I was thinking about where we could go as a day trip from London whilst we were visiting the UK, and hit upon the idea of Canterbury, as a city I'd not yet visited. Of course, Canterbury is steeped in history, with the cathedral, and its associations with the murder of Thomas à Becket, and Chaucer's Canterbury Tales and so forth, but for me a good half the reason to go was the desire to recreate the cover of one of my favourite albums, Blind Dog at St Dunstans by Caravan:

View album cover )

This is one of the cases where reduction in album cover sizes, from 12" LPs to 12cm CDs to tiny thumbnails for MP3s is a real loss; the cover is packed with dog-related jokes most of which you can't see except on a high resolution image. Have a zoom in and see how many you can make out.

Caravan, in case you've never heard of them, were a prog-rock band, part of the so-called Canterbury scene, in the 1970s. (The liner notes on a best of Caravan album describes them as "a break-up product of the Wilde Flowers, one of the most influential bands never to sign a record contract", which phraseology I like.) This album was where they abandoned their prog-rock roots and went poppier, which didn't go down well with fans at the time, but if, like me, you discovered this album (over thirty years ago, good grief!) before their earlier prog-rock material, then you can appreciate the album on its own merits, free from any prior expectations. A few readers might even have heard it without realising: The entire album was part of my playlist at my fortieth birthday party. Here's a playlist for the entire album on YouTube, if you'd like to listen.

Anyhow, I achieved my ambition when I went to Canterbury:

View album cover remake )

(The camera angle is slightly different because (a) I couldn't stand in the middle of the road, and (b) I was covering up some unsightly roadworks with the position of my body.)

3D printing software? [tech]

Nov. 24th, 2025 03:51 pm
siderea: (Default)
[personal profile] siderea
I want a widget that doesn't exist so I might be stuck designing it for 3D printing. I have never done this before. For design software, I gather both Onshape and TinkerCAD are available for free. Anybody with experience have opinions which I should start with? I have never used any CAD program before, but am not new to drafting. OTOH my drafting experience was all about 40 years ago. Open to other suggestions available for the Mac for free.

Also, I don't have my own 3D printer, so I'll be availing myself of various public-access options. But this means the iterative design feedback loop will be irritatingly protracted. Also I might have to pay money for each go round, so I'd like to minimize that. Also I am still disabled and not able to spend a lot of time in a makerspace. But I am a complete n00b to 3D printing and have zero idea what I'm doing. Does anybody have any recommendations for good educational references online about how to design for 3D printing so your widget is more likely to come out right the first or at least third time? By which I mean both print right and also function like you wanted – I know basically nothing about working with the material(s) and how they behave and what the various options are, while the widget I want to make will be functional not ornamental and have like tolerances and affordances and stuff. So finding a way to get those clues without hands-on experience, or at least minimizing the hands-on experience would be superb.
lethargic_man: (Berlin)
[personal profile] lethargic_man
Random trivia discovered by looking up a term on Wikipedia: During the Ice Ages, the glaciers advanced southwards across Europe, but the further one went south, the higher up the land was, so the meltwater from the end of the glaciers couldn't flow south, and couldn't flow north (because the glaciers were in the way), so ended up carving out valleys running roughly east-west, called Urstromtäler (a German loanword into English). One of these ran from Warsaw to Berlin and beyond.

Because of their low situation, and the high water table, they frequently became boggy in the post-glacial world, which posed obstacles to movement in the Middle Ages. As a result, trade routes converged on points where the valley could be crossed comparatively easily, at which points settlements arose.

And this is how Berlin came to be founded where it is—you can clearly see the constriction in the Urstromtal at Berlin in the map on the Wikipedia page. (The edge of the Urstromtal to the northeast is also clearly (to me) the location of the really hard incline on my way back from the Polish border a year ago.)

(no subject)

Nov. 23rd, 2025 07:13 pm
conuly: (Default)
[personal profile] conuly posting in [community profile] agonyaunt
Dear Care and Feeding,

I’m 19 and in university. I recently broke up with my boyfriend, “Jason.” He’d been acting weird for a few weeks, but when I ended things, he completely flipped out.

It escalated to the point where he slipped into my family’s home, stole our cat, “Flibble,” and tried to hold him for ransom. We did get Flibble back, and Jason is now facing charges. I just want to put this all behind me.

My parents, however, are furious. They keep telling me I should “have better judgment” and promise I’m going to get an earful this Thanksgiving about “choosing appropriate partners.” I get it, this got bad. But Jason wasn’t showing signs of being unhinged when we first started dating, and I did break up with him as soon as he started acting erratically. Still, my parents chew me out every time we talk and have started calling two or three times a week specifically to lecture me.

It’s driving me crazy. I don’t want to block them or cut them out of my life, but I also don’t want to deal with this anymore. What can I do to get them to lay off?

—Stepped In It


Read more... )

(no subject)

Nov. 23rd, 2025 07:03 pm
conuly: (Default)
[personal profile] conuly posting in [community profile] agonyaunt
Dear Meghan: I have an 8-year-old daughter. She does not have a mother (my husband and I are both men). She doesn’t particularly like shopping for clothes, but she has a relative who keeps her very well stocked with jumpsuits, dresses and girly outfits of all kinds, which is the type of clothing she typically likes. In general, I let her decide for herself how to mix and match the various clothes she has each morning and will only step in if something is really inappropriate.

My mother, however, feels the need to criticize her clothing choices nearly every time she sees her. “Oh dear, you should never mix prints!” or “Why didn’t you wear a different shirt under that jumpsuit — it really doesn’t match at all!” My mother blames me for what she sees as my inability to teach a girl about girls’ fashion.

I told her that I had indeed talked about some of these rules, but I thought my daughter should also be able to make her own choices about how to dress. She then accused me of being a bad parent and suggested that I would also “give up” if faced with a child who stole or cheated on a test. Is it really so wrong to refuse to have a daily struggle because my daughter went to school with shorts that lightly clashed with her shirt?

— Grandma’s Criticisms


Read more... )

(no subject)

Nov. 23rd, 2025 06:59 pm
conuly: (Default)
[personal profile] conuly posting in [community profile] agonyaunt
Dear Meghan: My sons (5 and 6 years old, both mildly autistic) tend to wake up in the morning and as fast as they can dive into my husband’s and my bed for cuddles. They seem to get a lot of sensory satisfaction and a lot of comfort from this ritual. Their preference would be to cuddle with me or both of us for about 15 minutes until they’re all the way awake, then run off and do their own thing. I don’t mind this at all — I enjoy it somewhat, and I find that (as primary caretaker) their days and thus mine go much smoother if they have this cuddle in bed to start the day.

The problem is that my husband says it ruins his day to have his kids in his bed at all.

I have tried to be a physical barrier between him and them — doesn’t work. I’ve tried to not let them in until he’s already up and showering — doesn’t work. I’ve tried to go to their beds and cuddle them there — doesn’t work. I’m out of ideas.

What should I do?


Read more... )

vital functions

Nov. 23rd, 2025 10:27 pm
kaberett: Trans symbol with Swiss Army knife tools at other positions around the central circle. (Default)
[personal profile] kaberett

Reading. ... I think, like, a page or two of Descartes (Treatise on Man), and that's it?

OH. NO. I also finished my first pass through indexing The National Trust Cookbook for EYB. That's right. That's a thing I did.

Watching. Three Whole Entire Episodes of Beddybyes, halfway through the third of which the toddler (who felt it was Very Important that we saw it) pretty much fell asleep where it was sat.

Playing. RIDICULOUS Inkulinati run for Preposterous Amounts Of Prestige.

Cooking. Medlar jelly (plain, spiced). Quince sorbet. Several bread. A batch of buttermilk pancakes. Some terrible First, Burn Your Lettuce, thereby ticking another item off the current Cook The Book project. Buttermilk pancakes.

Eating. One of the CHILLIS from the CHILLI PLANTS we brought HOME from the GREENHOUSE just after first frost (but they were fine); also A turned the small pile of peppers that broke off the sweet pepper I brought home on a bike, still green, into akuri this morning.

Exploring. Important sploshy stomp through the puddles of Barking Park. I... think that's it?

Growing. I have NOT sown any physalis or lemongrass in the electric propagator, to get them hopefully Established by the time I need it for Other Things in the new year. This is a deliberate decision. They can go in next week.

... and now it's very definitely time for bed, goodnight world. <3

Photo cross-post

Nov. 23rd, 2025 11:12 am
andrewducker: (Default)
[personal profile] andrewducker


Gideon (5) just walked past me looking determined. I asked him if he was okay and he said "Yes, I'm going outside with the hammock."

"It's cold and wet out there," I replied.

So he found his boots and his jacket and the hammock, took them outside by himself, put the hammock together (also by himself), and is now happily playing Angry Birds in it.

No, I don't understand either.
Original is here on Pixelfed.scot.

Events of note

Nov. 23rd, 2025 10:35 am
rmc28: Rachel in hockey gear on the frozen fen at Upware, near Cambridge (Default)
[personal profile] rmc28

bullet points for October & November
yeah it's 99% ice hockey )

And that brings me to this week! In which I got a cold on Wednesday and therefore skipped training Wed and Fri and worked from home Thu and Fri. I did shake off the cold enough to play my first game for Huskies last night (in Gosport, against Southampton Spitfires), and later today I'll be playing for Kodiaks 2 against Lee Valley Vampires. I am especially looking forward to this one, I love playing against teams full of friends.

Next weekend Kodiaks 2 have a double-header weekend of home games in Peterborough: Saturday night against Lee Valley Vampires and Sunday night against MK Falcons 2. And that wraps up 2025 for Kodiaks 2: after 6 games in 5 weekends in November, we have zero games in December.

siderea: (Default)
[personal profile] siderea
Saw this, blew my mind, thought I'd share. Behold, Lençóis Maranhenses:



2025 Oct 28: PBS Terra [pbsterra on YT]: It Looks Like a Desert. But It Has Thousands of Lakes

When I heard in the video how big it was, I turned on satellite view in Google Maps and popped "Lençóis Maranhenses" into the search bar:

Image below cut. Content advisory: trypophobes avoid )

Inlaws....

Nov. 23rd, 2025 03:37 am
conuly: (Default)
[personal profile] conuly posting in [community profile] agonyaunt
1. When I say goodbye to my mother-in-law, she frequently traps me in extended hugs. They often last longer than 15 seconds! During these hugs, she rattles off compliments that are probably well-meaning, but which I take as insults: She’s grateful that I’m a good cook for my husband, for instance, and that I keep our house so clean. My husband and I are both working professionals. We split the housework evenly, and I’m proud of that. My husband says that his mother’s comments are just her way of trying to connect with me. But is there a way to dodge her hugs? That’s when the so-called compliments begin.

DAUGHTER-IN-LAW


Read more... )

****


2. Dear Carolyn: We are a very small family — just me, my older sister and my parents. Five years ago, my sister married into a very large family, and her in-laws host all the holidays. We’re always invited, but it’s never any fun for us. There are 20 of them together, talking and laughing, and me and my parents in the corner by ourselves.

I’ve honestly tried to join in, but they’re always talking among themselves about people I don’t know. I ask them about their lives, and they go on and on, but when it’s time for me to talk, I get either cut off or ignored. They try to be nice, but after the third or fourth attempt to answer a question, you can tell they don’t care about the answer.

So I’ve decided I’m not going for Thanksgiving or Christmas this year. On Thanksgiving, some of my friends are meeting up for a hike in the morning, and then there’s a pub crawl later in the evening, and that’s enough holiday for me. I can order a pizza for dinner. For Christmas, I plan to have breakfast with my parents, open gifts and then kick back for the rest of the day while they go off to my sister’s in-laws’ house.

Even though my parents agree about the in-laws, they are telling me to suck it up and go for their sake. They and my sister are really upset with me, saying I’m going to ruin their holidays, hurt my brother-in-law’s feelings and not see my niece. I say there will be so many people around that my brother-in-law and niece won’t miss me, and I’ll see them both on Black Friday and then again on Christmas Eve, so it’s not like I’m missing out entirely.

Am I being selfish like they say? Don’t I have a right to enjoy my holidays, or do I have to suffer in silence?
— Anonymous


Read more... )

*************


3. Dear Annie: My son got married about eight months ago, and while I truly do love his new wife, I admit I'm scratching my head over a few things. Maybe it's the times changing, or maybe I'm just old-fashioned, but it feels like I got a fourth child instead of a daughter-in-law.

When they come over for dinner, I do what I've always done: make a nice meal, fix everyone a plate and pass the rolls. I'll serve my husband, my boys and even the dog if he looks hungry enough. But my new daughter-in-law? She piles food on her own plate, sits down and tells my son to get it himself. My jaw nearly hit the mashed potatoes. He works all day to provide for her, and the least she could do is hand him a pork chop! Instead, I find myself jumping up to fix his plate while she's scrolling through her phone.

And the laundry, don't even get me started. Because they don't have a washer and dryer, she brings her clothes over, and somehow, I end up doing them. It's like my son got married, and I gained another load of towels.

Should I speak up, or just keep folding her laundry and praying she buys a washing machine? -- Lost For Words in Georgia


Read more... )

**********


4. Dear Annie: Hoping you can offer some advice! My son has been married for six years to a beautiful girl who rarely speaks to us and acts as though we don't exist. Her distance has gotten much worse over time, and we have no idea why. We love her and are just as kind to her as we are to our other kids and their wives. My husband and I are so sad. This has broken our hearts.

We haven't said anything because we don't want to upset our son, but lately even he appears unhappy with her attitude toward us. When we've referred to her as our daughter -- as we do our other daughter-in-law, who loves the title -- she'll say, "No, thank you. I already have a mom and dad." We've always felt as parents ourselves that you can NEVER have too many people to love your child, so we were quite hurt by that.

And that's just the tip of the iceberg. She's so cold and distant toward us that even our friends and family have noticed and commented. We are good people, we stay out of our kids' business and we keep our opinions to ourselves. Our motto is, "If you want our thoughts, you'll have to ask for them." We don't meddle or cause waves ever, yet she continues to find ways to fault us for things. It's completely unsubstantiated, but it persists!

It's to the point I have so much anxiety that I've considered seeking out a therapist. This DIL is so unapproachable, so to avoid conflict, we just sweep EVERYTHING under the rug to avoid causing our sweet son any grief.

Please let us know if you have any advice. Our hearts are broken! -- Boy Momma


Read more... )

(no subject)

Nov. 23rd, 2025 02:45 am
conuly: (Default)
[personal profile] conuly posting in [community profile] agonyaunt
My mother-in-law is always on a diet. Her house also happens to be where the family gathers monthly for meals. Lately, she has been serving lighter fare and no dessert so that she can eat more healthfully. We are fine with the lighter meals, but when we pushed back on dessert, she got upset and said we weren’t being supportive of her. These meals represent a tiny fraction of what she eats in a year, and I am frustrated that I have to compromise on dessert. (It doesn’t help that her diets are usually fads and not based in science.) Advice?

Read more... )

(no subject)

Nov. 22nd, 2025 10:13 pm
conuly: (Default)
[personal profile] conuly posting in [community profile] agonyaunt
Dear Carolyn: My boyfriend is still in regular contact with his ex-girlfriend. He is her confidant, and she admits she still loves him. He keeps her posted on our relationship, which is rocky because I am jealous of their relationship. I am not allowed to set any boundaries about this.

I want to ask him to stop being her confidant and to stop telling her about our relationship. They can remain friends, just not with such intimate conversations. He absolutely refuses any boundaries because “I am not going to let you pick my friends.”

Should I just exit this situation? For context, he and I are on and off because of this, and he usually dates her again when we are off.

— Jealous


Read more... )

I have processed the fruit

Nov. 22nd, 2025 09:30 pm
kaberett: Trans symbol with Swiss Army knife tools at other positions around the central circle. (Default)
[personal profile] kaberett

There was less of it usable than if it hadn't been sitting in my living room for a fortnight, but there is one dehydrator load of apples drying, and one saucepan of Apfelmus cooling, and... I think the latter is probably going to get frozen (at least in the first instance) because I am not at all convinced I have water-bathing a couple of jars in me right now. That might be a December problem.

But. The pulp leftover from the medlar jelly is frozen in Future Sticky Toffee Pudding-sized portions. The quince sorbet is in the freezer in its tub. And the apples are As Above. I am very very glad to have got that all dealt with, but alas have no other thoughts to contribute. <3

(no subject)

Nov. 21st, 2025 11:23 pm
conuly: (Default)
[personal profile] conuly posting in [community profile] agonyaunt
Dear Annie: I've always had a complicated relationship with my older sister, "Beth." She's the golden child -- successful, pretty, everyone's favorite. I'm more of the quiet one. I've never resented her accomplishments, but I've spent years feeling like I'm living in her shadow.

Recently, something strange happened. I got offered a promotion at work that would put me in a leadership role over a project Beth's company is contracted on. It's a huge opportunity. When I told my parents, they were polite but not enthusiastic. My mom actually said, "Well, let's hope that doesn't make things awkward for Beth."

Beth hasn't said much, just a text that said "Congrats," with a period. Not even an exclamation point.

Part of me wants to let it go and focus on the win. But another part of me feels really, really sad, like I'm still chasing approval I'll never get. I don't want this old family dynamic to steal the joy from something I worked hard for.

How do I celebrate myself without needing my family to do it with me? And is it worth trying to fix something that maybe they don't even think is broken? -- Out of the Shadow


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andrewducker: (Evil Pizza)
[personal profile] andrewducker
We have a Spotify family account, so I thought I'd add Sophia to it.
Turns out that because she's under 13 she's incredibly limited in the music she can have access to, and has to be in the special kids app.
So, YouTube for music it is!

(Seriously, they didn't even have the K-Pop Demon Hunters soundtrack. Utterly useless.)

Getting a head of things [gastronomy]

Nov. 21st, 2025 03:09 am
siderea: (Default)
[personal profile] siderea
The Bostoniensis household's last grocery order included some cucumbers but the delivery service mystifyingly substituted for them a head of cabbage. They were very apologetic when Mr B called to complain, and refunded us the price of the cabbage, so now it's a free cabbage. But it's still here taking up a remarkably large volume of space in our fridge, what with the spherical thing, and it's a week before Thanksgiving.

Cooking a cabbage was not on our plans for this week. But throwing out a perfectly good cabbage seems sad. And I have been complaining about not getting enough veggies to eat. So.

Anybody have a very delicious recipe for cabbage that conforms to the following parameters?:

• Cooked. No raw cabbage.

• Really, really low effort. I am resigned to having to chop the cabbage itself, but maybe minimal other chopping of other veggies or meats. Something where the actual cooking isn't too fussy.

• Not haluski. We love haluski. We have most of the ingredients for haluski. We do not have the time or energy for taking on a project like haluski.

• Not stuffed cabbage. The kind with ground beef and tomato sauce. Neither of us likes it. Possibly because we don't like the taste of cabbage in tomato sauce.

• Not corned beef and cabbage. We love corned beef and cabbage but omg have you seen the price of brisket.

• Relately, maybe no stewing or slow cooking? The smell of slow cooking the corned beef and cabbage is dire, and we don't want to have to flush air we paid to heat. Maybe it would be okay if more heavily seasoned.

• Gotta mostly be cabbage. We have a lot of cabbage to get through.

We like spicy, though it's not required; no cilantro, and probably no coconut. Main dish or side, with meat or without.

Edit: Okay, maybe we'll just buy more cabbages. I am very excited by this harvest of recipes.
anais_pf: (Default)
[personal profile] anais_pf posting in [community profile] thefridayfive
These questions were originally suggested by [livejournal.com profile] heartovmidnight.

1. What's your favourite TV network?

2. If you could create your own channel, what would it be?

3. What TV show did you watch as a child, that you wish they would bring back?

4. What show have you always hated, and wonder why they ever made such a dumb show?

5. What TV show's seasons would you buy on DVD?

Copy and paste to your own journal, then reply to this post with a link to your answers. If your journal is private or friends-only, you can post your full answers in the comments below.

If you'd like to suggest questions for a future Friday Five, then do so on DreamWidth or LiveJournal. Old sets that were used have been deleted, so we encourage you to suggest some more!

this post is not Descartes apologia

Nov. 20th, 2025 10:25 pm
kaberett: Photo of a pile of old leather-bound books. (books)
[personal profile] kaberett

but I did spend this morning sat down with my printouts and my page markers and my highlighters, and I did this evening take some photos of the relevant pages of a book I've loaned to someone else, and the essay (I say, grandiosely) tentatively entitled The Obligatory Page And A Half On Descartes: against a new dualism is definitely In The Works.

I haven't quite worked out the It is a truth universally acknowledged... opening sentence, and it's probably mostly going to be a series of quotations accompanied by EMPHATIC GESTICULATION in the form of CAPSLOCK, but it's not actually (in its entirety) germane to The Book, so here the indignant yelling can go.

dewline: (canadian media)
[personal profile] dewline
Oh this is mischievous as all get out. And it took me two years to find out that it exists?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mqqWcZF2Syc

(no subject)

Nov. 20th, 2025 03:26 pm
conuly: (Default)
[personal profile] conuly posting in [community profile] agonyaunt
Dear Carolyn: My stepdad died suddenly of a heart attack two years ago, and my mom let me move in with her. Her place is huge, so she doesn’t want to live there alone. She can’t sell the house because she didn’t really inherit it; she can live there until she dies, then it goes to my stepbrother. My mom doesn’t charge me rent; she said I should save and invest the money instead, so it’ll be there when I do get a place. She doesn’t try to run my life, and I have plenty of room, plus there’s a pool, sauna, tennis court, etc., so it’s a great deal and we both benefit.

This arrangement makes my dad and stepmom crazy. They keep telling me it’s hurting me since I’m not living in the “real world.” And they complain that they can’t visit me at my home. My parents are okay with each other but haven’t been in the same room since my college graduation six years ago. My mom and stepmom don’t get along. But I go over to their house all the time, so it’s not interfering with our relationship.

My dad and stepmom even made my little sister ask why I’m living still with my mom — because no way a 15-year-old is asking that on her own.

I am banking money, I cook for myself a lot of the time and do my own laundry. With work, dating, getting enough exercise and sleep, life is hard enough. Why should I deliberately make it harder on myself just to prove a point? How do I shut them down while staying on good terms?


Read more... )

Photo cross-post

Nov. 20th, 2025 06:02 pm
andrewducker: (Default)
[personal profile] andrewducker


I do like how Edinburgh looks at this time of year.

(Sorry about the reflections, I'm on a bus)
Original is here on Pixelfed.scot.

Interesting Links for 20-11-2025

Nov. 20th, 2025 12:00 pm

Another year older

Nov. 20th, 2025 10:30 am
lnr: Halloween 2023 (Default)
[personal profile] lnr

Yesterday I turned 50, which feels like it should be a bit of a milestone, but in reality has just been an excuse for a lot of cake.

Birthday cake and flowers

We went away as a family at Halloween, as it was the end of half term and meant we could get a slightly longer weekend away. Three days in a collection of cabins in the Forest of Dean, with Forest Holidays. We nominally had a halloween party on Friday night and a birthday party on Saturday but it was kind of hard to tell which bits were party (having an age range from 7 to 73 makes for rather varied party requirements) but there was cake and fizz and cocktails, and we did an outdoor puzzle game with the kids, and Mike and dad joined me in trying axe throwing, and we had a nice walk through the forest down to the river Wye with a very sulky Matthew and generally had a good time :)

Yesterday I decided not to take the day off work, and instead took in cake to share in the morning, and took my immediate colleagues to the pub at lunchtime (though they wouldn't let me pay for drinks). We had pizza and fizz and more cake for tea, and a generally chilled out and lovely day. Matthew has an inset day on Friday, so Mike's taking the day off too, and we'll go out for a visit to the Botanic Gardens and lunch at Browns. And I've invited some friends round in the morning to help eat up cake, instead of meeting them at a coffee shop (which is my usual Friday routine).

I suggested to Mobbsy and David that we should do a celebration of 150 years between us, given what a good party we had for our joint 90th, but I never did get round to throwing a party this time. We shall try and make it out to the pub next Wednesday evening instead. And next Friday our little coffee gang will be going our to the village annual wine tasting/dinner - organised by the twinning association. And then I think I'll be more or less done with birthday celebrations for the year. Thanks so much to everyone who found me elsewhere on social media (or text message, or card) to say Happy Birthday, it's been very much appreciated!

[food] breadferences

Nov. 19th, 2025 09:26 pm
kaberett: Trans symbol with Swiss Army knife tools at other positions around the central circle. (Default)
[personal profile] kaberett

At the weekend we made a mildly unusual detour to a fancy local bakery; one of the things they had on the shelves about which I went "oooh" was fig, hazelnut & anise bread. So that flavour combination (plus some spelt) was went into the oven this morning!

The way bread normally works around here is that I make it, via the Ritual Question of Do You Have Any Breadferences (Bread Preferences). To facilitate this call and response, A List of our Usual Options, doubtless to be added to. Suggestions welcome. :)

Read more... )

oursin: One of the standing buddhas at Bamiyan Afghanistan (Bamiyan buddha)
[personal profile] oursin posting in [community profile] agonyaunt

The yoga studio where I teach hasn’t been paying me on time (AAM: 4th one down):

I’ve been teaching yoga for about four years now and was hired for my first job at this small group training facility. I teach once a week and often sub for one of the two other instructors. I previously got paid monthly. I have a full-time job and this is my side gig. So, it’s money I use for things like gifts, or save up for vacations.
Over the last two years, my monthly payment stretched to being paid every two months. This past year, it’s stretched out to being paid every four or five months. I’ve asked the owners several times to leave a check for me for next week. I’ve also asked if there is an easier way for them to pay me, such as Venmo or direct deposit.
I’m at the point now where I’m owed for over 21 classes ($40 per class). Enrollment in the small training groups seems to have dropped as I’m seeing new members less. People do join for the yoga-only package to come to the yoga classes. What’s the best way to ask to be paid and let them know I can’t/shouldn’t have to wait longer than two months for payment? I’m at the point now where I want to say that I won’t teach until I get paid, but that isn’t really my vibe.

Alison responds: saying that you won’t teach until you get paid should be your vibe )

siderea: (Default)
[personal profile] siderea
Canonical link: https://siderea.dreamwidth.org/1886696.html

Hey, Americans and other people stuck in the American healthcare system. It's open enrollment on the state exchanges, and possibly through your employer, so I wanted to give you a little heads up about preventive care and shopping for a health insurance plan.

I've noticed from time to time various health insurance companies advertising themselves to consumers by boasting that their health plans focus on covering preventive care. Maybe they lay a spiel on you about how they believe in keeping you healthy rather than trying to fix problems after they happen. Maybe they point out in big letters "PREVENTIVE CARE 100% FREE" or "NO CO-PAYS FOR PREVENTIVE CARE".

When you come across a health insurance product advertised this way, promoted for its coverage of preventive health, I propose you should think of that as a bad thing.

Why? Do I think preventive medicine is a bad thing? Yes, actually, but that's a topic for another post. For purposes of this post, no, preventive medicine is great.

It's just that it's illegal for them not to cover preventive care 100% with no copays or other cost-sharing.

Yeah, thanks to the Obamacare law, the ACA, it's literally illegal for a health plan to be sold on the exchanges if it doesn't cover preventive care 100% with no cost-sharing, and while there are rare exceptions, it's also basically illegal for an employer to offer a health plan that doesn't cover preventive care.

They can't not, and neither can any of their competitors.

So any health plan that's bragging on covering preventive care?.... Read more [2,270 words] )

This post brought to you by the 220 readers who funded my writing it – thank you all so much! You can see who they are at my Patreon page. If you're not one of them, and would be willing to chip in so I can write more things like this, please do so there.

Please leave comments on the Comment Catcher comment, instead of the main body of the post – unless you are commenting to get a copy of the post sent to you in email through the notification system, then go ahead and comment on it directly. Thanks!

[embodiment] ... ha

Nov. 18th, 2025 10:52 pm
kaberett: Trans symbol with Swiss Army knife tools at other positions around the central circle. (Default)
[personal profile] kaberett

"Ugh," I thought, "why am I feeling weirdly migrainey? My Next Phase Of The Menstrual Cycle is very much not due for like another week? I've been weirdly super regular basically since it reasserted itself post-surgery?"

... TURNS OUT that I had lost track of time a bit and I'm not a solid week early at all, it's a whole two days. This Means Some Things:

  1. ... still super regular by my pre-surgical standards,
  2. I will not be at the worst stage of my cycle during Significant Travel next week, and LAST BUT VERY MUCH NOT LEAST
  3. the migraine is still in fact very clearly associated with hormonal changes even when I'm not expecting them, take THAT Headache Is The Second Most Common Form Of Psychosomatic Pain ~statistics~ (and ongoing anxiety).

(no subject)

Nov. 17th, 2025 05:40 pm
conuly: (Default)
[personal profile] conuly posting in [community profile] agonyaunt
DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend recently moved in with me, and ever since then, my cat’s behavior has completely changed. She’s been acting out: scratching furniture, hiding for hours and even refusing to eat sometimes. She used to be calm and affectionate, but now she seems anxious and territorial. My partner is trying to be patient, but I can tell he’s getting frustrated, especially since the cat hisses at him whenever he walks by or tries to sit near me. It’s creating tension between us, and I feel stuck in the middle trying to keep everyone happy. I’ve tried introducing them slowly, giving the cat space and even buying new toys to distract her, but nothing seems to help. My boyfriend thinks I’m overreacting and that the cat will “get over it,” but I know she’s genuinely stressed.

I feel guilty because I was so excited for us to finally live together, and now it feels like we’re both walking on eggshells around my pet. I love them both, but I’m starting to wonder if this living situation is sustainable. How can I help my cat adjust to this big change without it putting more strain on my relationship? -- Standoff


Read more... )

vital functions

Nov. 16th, 2025 10:36 pm
kaberett: Trans symbol with Swiss Army knife tools at other positions around the central circle. (Default)
[personal profile] kaberett

... has done so many things and is Going To Bed and will fill in this placeholder Tomorrow.

Reading. Descartes, Gouldercourt et al., Clifford )

Forgotten Fruits (Christopher Stocks) got auto-returned to the library for a second time while I was still, like, a third of the way into it. I am going to try to take the DNF with grace this time, but the Completionist Itch is still there...

Writing. Grumpy e-mails to HMPO. Grumpy e-mails to uk.bookshop.org (on the plus side, the book I bought from them now has a shiny wee DRM-free tag! on the downside, I can download it in neither of the browsers I've tried so far.) Mental drafting of context-setting on movement and sleep, which really need to get out of my head and onto the page.

Playing. Inkulinati! We have Completed All Three Journeys. In the second stage we achieved an absolutely bullshit strategy that made things astonishingly easy; the third stage (with SEAL) was much harder work.

Little bit more I Love Hue.

Cooking. Two things of particular note, of which the first was ridiculous parsnip risotto with thyme pesto from The Modern Vegetarian, extremely good, would very happily eat again but I'm more dubious about the prospect of cooking it again, though I will concede it would probably go faster now I know what I'm doing.

Item the second was THE MEDLAR STICKY TOFFEE PUDDING. I am not entirely convinced I can actually detect the, you know, medlar, but it is very tasty.

Elsewise I have two batches of medlar jelly on the go (first batch did not set properly, BAH, I have not made enough jam recently, so I'm going to need to redecant and reboil that before I move on to the spiced) and some ridiculous quince sorbet that needs forcing through the sieve before churning.

And I have still not touched the apples.

Eating. Saturday lunch at Holtwhites Bakery :)

Exploring. Stupid little walk on Sunday revealed unto us, among other things: a pair of cyclamen in a bit of the verge outside our house we don't normally walk past; a discarded fork; a local bush of Purple Metallic Berries; a secret holly hedge.

Growing. SEEDS arrived. Jalapeños (at least at home) turning red.

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